Dear Donald, Kim, Vladimir and others,
I am writing to your parents regarding the bully tactics and macho posturing you seem to be engaging in while playing in the sandpit. This unacceptable behaviour has to STOP before someone gets hurt.
It seems to me that the sand pit is large enough for you and all the other children, but you seem to want to claim bits of it for yourself. The petty bickering and labelling bits of play equipment “mine” is tiring, but the threats to lob projectiles at each other has wider safety implications I can no longer overlook.
We have tried timeout, handshaking seems not sincere and meetings seem a waste of time as you seen intent on name-calling so, in a last ditch effort, I am appealing to your common sense. Failing that I will roll up a newspaper and give you all a good thwap.
Should the spit hit the fan, and some dumb f*ck lobs the first projectile, I would guess that you will all join in the shit fight. For the couple of minutes you congratulate yourselves on this retaliation (I mean he started it, right?) you will finally have a chance to consider what you have done. You will be making it impossible for anyone to play there again. Ever.
Enough is enough.
Sincerely, PDub
I am avoiding the news at the moment, with world leaders posturing at each other, a bunch of lunatics in charge of launch codes on all sides, it seems to me that we are sliding towards making the world a perfect place for this little guy:
This is Robert Lang’s Cockroach, a faithful paper recreation of my most hated insect. Continue reading →